animal instinct

random act of kindness is like a fit of temper, but it occurs far fewer that bad temper flashes up. why? why are we so easily worked up and lose our minds, yet we do not feel like doing good, even if we are feeling happy, as often. it does not mean that when you are happy, you will do good. when was the last time you did a good deed? good in a sense of helping others, just for the sake of helping others, not that you did it out of vested interest like, you were helping your friend to pass the exam, not done on purpose of friendship, but you wanted to show to your friend you were cleverer than he.

husnan, marathon man's fren was a firebrand - he flared up for something as small as his shoes not put in the usual place when he was to put them on for work every morning. he would throw his tantrum on his wife.... until she could not stand him.... she left him for her mother's place.... and relationship between them went so bad that, he had to quit his job just to stay home to take care of the kids and the household himself. yet he still thot that he's a down-to-earth, just-speaking-his-mind kind of frank and honest folk, and that people should appreciate him and the world owed him everything.

one day, he joggedwith marathon man along the barrage, in the evening. the lights of the city shimmered like jewels in the bay water, the breeze had a special cooling effect on the sweating torsoes of the joggers.

"you know, my wife left me for her mother already 4 months... i asked her to come back many times, but she wouldn't.... what can i do?"

"husnan, why your wife so angry with you?"

"she said, i scolded her for nothing, she could not tahan any more.... but i just let her know what she did wrong... maybe a bit loud, but i
just couldn't tahan people who didn't learn from their mistakes... and changed..... my blood boils whenever..."

"well, husnan.... take it easy. don't get worked up over small things."

"but if you want to do big things, you must make sure small things are done well. are you saying that i'm wrong or what?" he was visibily and audibly worked up, with the veins on his temples bloated up, and his voice raised many decibels.

"come on. i'm just trying to help you."

"i don't need no help, if all you do is telling me i'm wrong."

"ok.... i didn't judge. i just assessed your situation - why you landed yourself in where you are now.... you think you want this?"

"no... of course." his voice hardly could be heard.

"then, you have to change."

"how? i cannot control myself.... i'm just like an animal, when the hormones hit me, i just succumb. i'm like a lone wolf living in the jungle lurking iwth dangers all around. i have to be alert all the time, ever battle ready so my enemies would not take advantage of me."

"do you think by shouting and be fierce will get you what you want?

"yes. else nobdoy would pay any attention to you."

"well, you must suffer from inferiority complex. did you see a shrink? or counsellor?"

"yes, but they asked me to breathe deep when i wanted to get angry..... i breathe and breathe deep, but my mind just couldn't cool down....i cannot help to react when somebody pokes my ego."

"what do you mean?"

"i have a very delicate ego. maybe, i have been trying to exert myself all these years, but nobody takes me as anything.... now i'm married, at least my wife has to show her repsect to me. when i sensed that she doesn't , i got very angry."

"ha, you have a low threshold of anger trigger. it's as biological as much as it's psychological..... meaning you have to seek help to control your high-blood pressure, your hyper tension, and also seek help from religious leaders to give you some direction where you can hold yourself together."

"how do you know i have high blood pressure and hyper tension?"

"i don't have to know, i just equate these with your short-fuse temperament."

"so you know what you to do to hold them down?"

"i don't know. if i do, i would not have to be on the track day in and day out...."

"what do you mean? you have high blood pressure and hyper tension also?"

"not when i'm on the road."