T3, expo, sunbird, seabreeze, angin laut - bipolar

bipolar disorder - for days, you are high, then boomz, you hit the clift and fall deep into the abyss of depression.

everybody has mood swings, it's like a wave, it's characterised by the amplitude and the frequency.


for marathon man the amplitude rocks thru the roof, and the frequency seems getting higher and higher theses days. the low mood is preceeded by sever insomnia, and the next day, though almost worn out from the restless nite before, still feels the rampant heartbeats, and the urge to 'cheong'(go forward).... then fear sets in, fear of losing control of oneself, fear of going crazy, fear of not going to get rest, fear of getting the michael jackson syndrome...... then only after some hectic activties like another orund of golf, another round of running about, another round of bedxercise , or diy discharge.... then real tireness sets in, and the mood goes low, and lower, until the whole being just withdraws to itself, totally, and that's the time peacefulness comes, and self control regained, amid total shackness of the body which the spirit has to endure..... and drowsiness sets in nicely, and if this happens in the sun-down hours, and no other outside disturbances or worries racks the mind, a better nite of sleep would be enough to get the engine going again.... and the cycle repeats.

one thing about this disorder, is the heart runs wild, sometimes it pulpitates, sometime it's races very fast, sometimes it just gives you the feeling that, you are in cloud nine, though you know there's no reason for that at all.... the body juices that trigger the cloud-nine feeling earlier on do not know how to turn themselves off.... you need something to let the heart take its rest - and that something is panadol... it lets the heart take a breather, though the juices may still run high.... once the heart beats settle, the juices would turn themselves off - or the other round? remember, NO HIGH ENERGY FOOD, especially sugar, or caffeine type of food, no SALT.... just plain water and plain starch and protein, not even fruits. or just take bread and water - to let the body waste into total exhaustion....

today is the day.

to get totally exhausted he go airport, take sky train from t1 to t3, quite many shops in 2nd and 3rd floor, and 4th also. take mrt to expo - electronic sales, very crowded. buy uncle choo popiah, the skin is bean-cud skin, heated up in a heater, then put turnip and blue cabbage, raw, then 4 types of sources, ketchap, green and yellow mustand,and chilli, then some chicken floss, then turnip and cabbage again, wrap, with both endd open, then cut into 6 pieces..... look good, but the bite is soggy, and no taste - a let-down.

jog in sunbird places, and jalan laut angin and seabreeze rd.... until the sun go down.... until he has paced his heart into proper rhythm...

the heart is part of a large feedback system whose dynamics are nonlinear, nonstationary, and multiscale. as mathematicians well know, even simple nonlinear rules can lead to complex behavior - what fractals do - and the rules governing the heart are hardly simple. it’s an incredibly complicated system. consequently, the healthy heartbeat is one of the most complex
signals in nature.

heart beat dictates the mood swing, or the other round, like day comes first before nite, or the other way round..... marathon man wonders. and the wondering heart always tends to move out of sync......