why - what

guilt eats you and your soul like a snake swallow a chicken.... like a fire burning your flesh, like boiling oil poured our your body.....

you blame yourself for whatever is going to happen that happens because you did something wrong in the past.

you struggle hard to make it right, but useless... helpless. you are anxiously to find a way out. but all you see is darkness.

why didn't you do such and such?

why you so lazy?

why you take the short-cut?

why? why? why?

what to do now?

what? what? what?

and the nite falls - your brain churns like a cement mixer. your heart pumps like hip-hop drum beats. the minute you close your eyes, blood shoots to your brain, and it just keep thinking.... thinking about the mistake, about the consequence, about doing something to fix.... about self stupidity. thots pour into the grey matters like a water rushing out from a ruptured dam, unstoppable.

your eyes so sour.

your mouth so dry.... and you feel like going to bath room..... just after five minutes you did so. you are hyper, you are stressed.

you take a panadol..... it does not help. you have gone into a loose gear, where the whole being is consumed by fear, by guilt!